The Illusion of Knowing: How We Rob Ourselves of Connection and Intimacy

The idea that we actually know the people in our lives holds us back from tapping into the potential of these relationships.

Let me explain…

At some point in our relationships–with family, friends, and intimate partners–we arrive at a place where we feel that we know them.

Which…might feel like a good thing at first. Except when we know something, we aren’t very curious to dig into them deeper. (You don’t find yourself curious to learn more about the ABC’s once you know them all the way through.)

And when we feel we know our family members/friends/partners, our curiosity to connect with them deeper evaporates.

It’s why dinner table conversations with familiar faces can become so stale, boring, and routine.

But here’s the thing: It’s impossible for us to actually know somebody in their entirety.

I call this The Illusion of Knowing. Our ability to know someone, or understand them, is asymptotic. Knowing someone fully and completely is an impossible task.

Usually, when we feel that we know someone, we’ve only barely scratched the surface.

Human beings are rich tapestries of experiences, memories, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, quirks, skills, and so much more. And it’s the illusion that we know someone that keeps us in our comfortable patterns of relating and holds us back from understanding them more deeply.


Got any people in your life you fee like you “know”?

What might it feel like if you flipped that belief around, and assumed that you DIDN’T hardly know them at all? How would you show up? What would you dare to do, ask, share, feel with them?

The Illusion of Knowing stifles curiosity and wonder.

The Belief of Not-Knowing opens us up into a world of new possibilities to explore.

Here’s to channeling our Beginner’s Mind with the people in our lives. One moment at a time. 

Starting today.

Let’s do this!

Big hugs + high-fives,